Monday 24 Rabi‘ at-akhir 1443 - 29 November 2021
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She is suffering from psychological problems that have made her isolated from people; she is very frustrated and is asking for a remedy

Question

I am mentally exhausted. I have not mixed with people for twelve years. I live in a remote area and all my aspirations have come to naught, including study. My father has never worked hard or tried his best for us. I am suffering from mental illnesses. I pull out my hair (trichotillomania, hair-pulling disorder). I feel tense and I am afraid of other people. I suffer from shortness of breath and I hate myself. But my dreams are not dead yet and I am still optimistic. I offer supplication, but how can I free myself if I do not have any help? As for my father, if we go to him and complain, he gets angry, and sometimes he insults us or ignores us. My mother is worried about us, but her situation is like ours. Our future is hopeless. We hate society and maybe they hate us. I hope that you can help me, because I am very tired; I want to die. Maybe Allah will have mercy on me and save me from this hardship.

Answer

Praise be to Allah.

First of all, we praise Allah Who has enabled you to do the obligatory prayers and strive to do the supererogatory prayers, despite the social problems and mood swings. How many people have suffered less hardship than that, but did not turn to their Lord as you have done; how many people have attained the highest academic degrees in the greatest universities, but they are in a state of sin day and night, disobeying the Lord of earth and heaven.

Even though we understand all the social pressures and negative comments that may be heard by one who has not completed his education nowadays, let us think about the issue for a moment. Is this the true measure of success or failure in the future? What is the reality of the future?

If a university professor has attained the highest level of knowledge and all his worldly desires, but he does not reach Allah, is that success or failure?

If a simple, illiterate man is deprived of all that he desires in this world, but he reaches Allah, is that success or failure?

Think – may Allah bless you – about this amazing report in which the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The most affluent of the people in this world, of those who will go to Hell, will be brought on the Day of Resurrection and dipped once in the Fire. Then it will be said: O son of Adam, did you ever see anything good? Did you ever have any pleasure? He will say: No, by Allah, O Lord. Then the most destitute of the people in this world, of those who will enter Paradise, will be brought and dipped once in Paradise, and it will be said to him: O son of Adam, did you ever see anything bad? Did you ever experience any hardship? He will say: No, by Allah, O Lord. I never saw anything bad and I never experienced any hardship.” . Narrated by Muslim.

This is how the most affluent of people in this world, of those who will go to Hell, will be after being dipped once in the Fire.

And this is how the most destitute of people in this world, of those who will go to Paradise, will be after being dipped once in Paradise.

Perhaps your father – may Allah guide him – fell short with regard to your education and your mental well-being. We ask Allah to change him and make him good to you, by His grace. But it is possible to make up for the shortcomings and rid yourselves of the negative consequences thereof by several means:

1.. Constantly beseech Allah, the Lord of the Worlds, and strive to obey Him, may He be glorified,  for He is more compassionate to His righteous slaves than a mother to her child.

2.. Consult spiritual healers by attending gatherings of knowledge and circles of dhikr, if possible. If that is not possible, then follow their lectures and learn from them by watching them on TV or online.

3.. Consult physical healers (medical doctors) by visiting specialists in psychology, for science-based treatments and to address psychological problems and rid yourself of the symptoms of anxiety and depression.

4.. It is very important, in the first stage, to rid yourself of the symptoms – especially suicidal thoughts, and to seek help through medication prescribed and supervised by a qualified doctor.

It should be noted that some medications may cause side effects – such as dry throat and constipation – in the beginning, but these side effects will decline with the passage of time. You should follow up with a specialist doctor regarding increasing the dose or discontinuing the medicine gradually, because suddenly stopping these medications may have negative consequences.

5.. Doing exercise and other activities at home, and being involved in some charitable activities, because that has a positive impact.

6.. In the light of the fact that we have access to all sources of knowledge and all cultures to the Internet and otherwise, acquiring knowledge is not limited to academic institutions. Rather knowledge may be sought through educational websites and the courses and certificates that they offer, which may be available for a nominal charge or even without charge. Subscribing to these websites and learning from them will be beneficial, by Allah’s leave.

We ask Allah to make you among those who are blessed in this world and the hereafter, and to help you to do what He loves and is pleased with.

And Allah knows best.

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Source: Islam Q&A